how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
