But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
