i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
