My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
