he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Randomize
