His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
