some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
