went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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