she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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