I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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