I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Randomize
