Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
