i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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