I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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