Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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