He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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