Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
