I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
