i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
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