Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
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