Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
