I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
