Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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