My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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