I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
