I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
