yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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