you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
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