I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
