The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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