I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
