yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
