I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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