well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
