Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
