There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
