week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
