Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
