so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
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