i think my tv is drunk
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
