Whod you bang
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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