I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize