you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
