Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Randomize
