Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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