and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
This is my gift to your gina
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
