Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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