You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
