There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
All the doctor said was why
I need mimosas to revive my soul
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
