Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
How does one acquire holy water?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
