new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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