I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize