My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
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