I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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