I could make wine with my vomit
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
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