lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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