go do what you do best...puke behind churches
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
