some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
