Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize