He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
