yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
