Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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