Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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