Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
