Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Just puked most of my soul out..
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
