Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
