WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
