My first STD was from a foam party
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I just found puke in my bra..
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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