it was like his penis was on wheels.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
