if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
