Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Randomize
