I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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