I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I need a burrito and a hug.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
