VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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