Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
