i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
