There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
