he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
