you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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