My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
