It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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