You're completely useless in the revolution.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
