I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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