I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
