apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
