i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
