Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
as a side note pls kill me
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
