you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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