So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
