I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
