Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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