that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
