...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
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