do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
