we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
