Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
