Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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