Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
