I accidentally burped into my bong.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
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