You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Randomize
