Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
