I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
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