After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
