i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
