happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
