I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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