I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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